E-Mail # 1 dated May 5th — Me to Prosecutors, CLO and Court Coordinator:  Hello.  My client is on the docket for a (6 month) PTI completion on May 16th.  I believe she is in full compliance.  Would it be possible to dismiss her case prior to that date so that she does not have to miss work?  Thanks.

CRICKETS CHIRPING

E-Mail # 2 dated May 12th —  Me to Prosecutors, CLO, and Court Coordinator:  Hello.  Just following up here.  My client is on the docket for a (6 month) PTI completion on May 16th.  I believe she is in full compliance.  Would it be possible to dismiss her case prior to that date so that she does not have to miss work?  Thanks.

E-Mail Response from Chief on May 12th —  Reply to all — Hello.  Not sure if you e-mailed certificates of completion (of required courses) to another chief, but I do not have them.  Could you forward them to me and I will dismiss?

E-Mail # 3 on May 12th —  Reply to all — My client said she gave them to her supervision officer, but if you don’t have them, I will get them and send them to you.

E-Mail Response from Probation Supervisor on May 12th — Reply to all —  I received the certificates of completion and I will send them to the chief.

E-Mail # 4 on May 13th —  Reply to all — Thank you.  Will my client need to appear in person on Monday or will the case be dismissed off docket?

E-Mail Response from Probation Supervisor on May 13th —  Reply to all — I don’t know if your client has to be there or not.  Chief, can you please advise?

CRICKETS CHIRPING

THIS MORNING IN COURT

ME:  Good morning, did you dismiss my client’s case?

CHIEF (pulling up my client’s case on computer):  Did you send me the paperwork?

ME:  No, the probation supervisor . . .

CHIEF:  You need to calm down!

ME:  Um, I am calm.

CHIEF:  You never sent me the contract.

ME:  Wait.  What?  The PTI contract?

CHIEF:  Calm down.

ME:  I am calm, but why would I have sent you the PTI contract?

CHIEF:  It is not in my e-mails.

ME:  Well, you weren’t chief when we signed up six months ago, so it wouldn’t be in your e-mails.

CHIEF:  I meant the certificates of completion of the courses.  Did you send those?

ME:  No, the . . .

CHIEF: If you didn’t send them to me, how will I know if she did the courses.

ME:  Well, the super–

CHIEF:  You need to send me the certificates and I am not seeing any e-mail from you.

ME:  It wouldn’t be from me, the supervisor . . .

CHIEF:  No e-mail from you.

ME:  Can I talk?

PAUSE

ME:  The e-mail would be from the probation supervisor.  He sent you an e-mail saying that he had them.  

CHIEF LOOKS AT E-MAIL:  Well, the standard procedure for a PTI is that you send me the certificate of completion.

ME:  That has never been my experience in the past.

CHIEF:  That’s standard procedure.

MISDEMEANOR TWO:  Yeah, that’s how we always do it.

CHIEF:  I’ll dismiss it this time, but in the future you need to send the certificates to me.

ME:  Whatever.

MISDEMEANOR TWO:  And if you are done talking, I need my chair back.