Are you in a bad place in your marriage? Are you and your spouse not communicating the way that you used to? Have the two of you ever been good at talking to one another- or could it be that your marriage has been full of misunderstandings and missed messages? Whether you are old or young or somewhere in the middle problems and marriages happen all the time. what you do about the situation after you realize that you find yourself in a failing marriage is completely up to you.

There are options for you to pursue if you are going through problems in your marriage. Those problems in your marriage are typically best solved through communication. Even if you know this to be the case in your relationship it is one thing to understand the problem, but it is another thing to do something about it. Dealing with communication problems in your marriage can sound simple but it is quite frequently something very difficult. The reason is that most of us are not born with the skills necessary to solve major issues in our marriage. Rather, those types of problems are solved through skillful conversation and communication which many of us do not have the tools to utilize.

Rather, many of us take the problems in our marriage and either sweep them under the rug, deny them or attempt to solve them using unsuccessful methods. Many of us take the perspective of marital problems as being something that will just get better on our own. These are problems that would otherwise be ignored in our lives but only because they are happening to our marriage do they get our attention in the first place. If you were having problems with communication with a coworker or with your sibling, you may not even address it thinking that the potential impacts are unimportant. In your marriage, however, you see your spouse every day and wake up with him or her. 

As a result, the problems in that relationship are experienced by you more acutely. For that reason, you probably would be more concerned over issues in your marriage than with anyone else. Still, you must be intentional about how you attempt to solve marital difficulties. You can bang your head against many walls trying to solve marriage problems but oftentimes the solution to these problems cannot be found between the four walls of your home. Rather, you may need to seek outside intervention when it comes to solving these problems. 

That is where an experienced counseling group, therapist, or another person with a professional background in marriage and family therapy can potentially assist you. Assuming that the problems in your marriage are either too big to solve or beyond your capabilities is a big mistake. Rather, you are better off taking into consideration the problems in your marriage in a proper context using the information available to you. You may not need to understand all the problems in your marriage, but you probably can tell when you are experiencing communication problems. This is usually the first sign of a marriage that is in trouble. Not being able to talk about the problems that you face is a major red flag. From there, it is very easy to lose trust in your spouse and to run into even bigger problems.

I am not trying to exaggerate or be hyperbolic about this topic. I’ve seen first-hand how problems and communication can lead to money stress and money fights, infidelity, and are their problems of this sort. I’m not telling you that every person who finds himself not being able to talk openly with their spouse about issues in their lives will find themselves in this position, but it is not a big jump to make. As a result, when you find yourself in this position of needing help and communication there is nothing wrong with reaching out to someone with more experience than you have.

In today’s blog post from the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, I am going to share with you my thoughts on what you can do when you find out that there is a problem in your marriage. Some people discover these problems sooner rather than later. Others can take a longer time. No matter what position you are in there’s almost always an opportunity to improve the situation at home. Today’s blog post is written with you in mind. What can you do when he believed that reconciliation is necessary? We will go over some options that you have today and talk to you about people that might be able to help you face down whatever circumstances you and your spouse are currently dealing with in your household.

Could couples therapy make the problems in your marriage worse?

This is one of the Concerns that I hear from people off and on about Marriage and family counseling. The concern boils down to going to therapy and seeing the problems in your marriage get worse. This may be your experience as well. Have you tried to fix the problems in your marriage Only to see them continue to rear their ugly heads? Or have you seen the problems get better at certain times and then come back and feel worse than ever? This is completely possible. It is difficult to say what can happen exactly in your specific marriage when attempting to work through problems. Progress is rarely linear in that regard. 

You may also have the type of personality where you seek to avoid conflict rather than to engage with it. For example, you may have known for some time that there were problems in your marriage but rather than face them head-on you either swept them under the rug or attempted to deal with them indirectly with your spouse. I can tell you that for some of us out there you have to directly bring up a subject and be very specific about what you mean. Being general or not specific enough when it comes to a problem is a recipe for disaster. To be unclear is to be unkind. Meaning that when you want to get something done with your spouse in terms of fixing a problem you need to directly address the problem one way or the other.

effect by going to therapy you can take some of the pressure off yourself in terms of having to figure out how to discuss these important subjects with your spouse. When you are dealing with these problems all on your own you could potentially find yourself in a position where all the pressure is on you to be able to think of how to even bring up this subject matter with your spouse. Being able to talk about subject matter delicately and artfully like this can be best done through therapy if you are not confident in your ability to do so.

What going into therapy can also do is show your spouse that you were serious about working through the problems in your marriage. could it be that your spouse is skeptical of your willingness to work with him or her due to repeated instances where you ignored the problem or did not seem to take it seriously? Taking the steps necessary to address the problem, talking to your spouse about counseling, and then seeking options as far as counseling is a concern can show your spouse that you are serious about dealing with these problems directly.

Consequences of not seeking counseling when given the opportunity

On the other hand, if you choose not to pursue couples counseling when the availability is the first is that the emotions that are creating problems in your marriage may continue to flourish and wreak havoc. Being able to work through these emotions and understand them is incredibly important when it comes to solving problems in your marriage.  just as many of us don’t have the skills necessary to work through communication issues in our marriage we may also not have the emotional intelligence or experience to work through emotional issues.

this means that left unchecked, the emotional baggage that comes with these problems in your relationship can continue to fester under the surface. Dealing with an emotional issue is not like dealing with a household issue in terms of a broken appliance or other problem period emotional issues can be difficult to diagnose and even more difficult to solve. Much of the time it comes down to having help addressing the problems in a constructive environment. Remember that you do not have an unlimited amount of time to solve these problems. As a result, getting in touch with someone who can address these problems with you directly and efficiently can be huge of attending therapy.

How do you know when it’s time to go to couples therapy? 

Ultimately, the answer to this question depends upon the specific circumstances of you and your spouse as well as the nature of your relationship. Most of us are familiar with the statistics that are given regarding many marriages in this country ending in divorce. It is a common statistic to throw around that half of all American marriages end in divorce. I’ve heard people say that since I was in high school. Various statistics that we can find an online show that anywhere between 40-50% of first marriages end up in a divorce. That rate of divorce seemingly increases with each additional marriage. 

Another factor to consider is that many people in our community stay in marriages that are on the rocks or are failing. The reasons to stay in a failing marriage include the stability of the family, the stability of children, or even for financial reasons. If you have been reliant upon your spouse for income throughout your marriage you may be staying in the relationship for that reason. Imagine if you have a child who has a medical need and is seeking to stay in the relationship for that purpose. You may be staying in a relationship that is failing for all the right reasons. Ultimately, this decision can haunt you and your family for years to come. 

Other times you may be staying in a relationship for no other reason than pride. For example, you may not want to face Questions or judgment concerning your marriage. For that reason, you could want to sweep the problems of your marriage under the rug or even deny that they exist. This depends upon your relationship with your family as well as the influence that they exert over your life. However, we all know those family members who can make our lives uncomfortable.

How can you tell if you and your spouse would benefit from counseling?

As with anything in the world of Texas family law so much of a situation that involves potentially attending counseling has to do with the specific circumstances that you find yourself in. Even if you and your spouse look a lot like two people around the corner from you who are also going through divorces your circumstances impact the decision whether to get counseling or therapy depending upon your perspective and circumstances. It would be very difficult for me to be able to say definitively that you need to get therapy or anything like that. All we can do in the remainder of today’s blog post is to provide you with some examples of circumstances that may be indicative of your being able to benefit from therapy with a counselor or other professional.

The first situation that I would point towards is if you have noticed an increase in communication problems with your spouse. It could be that the two of you never really communicated that well but now Are struggling even more in that regard. With this decreased ineffective communication that few of you may find yourselves in a position where your disagreements are escalating into fights and your fights or leaving the both of you feeling uncomfortable in the household. Add in some children to the mix and you have the potential for a very combustible situation. if this sounds like how you and your spouse have been communicating with one another over recent years then he may benefit from counseling. Counseling is a great way to teach the two of you communication skills that you otherwise would not have been able to develop.

If you and your Co-parent have been physically distant from one another then that physical distance may turn into an emotional distance. It is a strange feeling to feel lonely when you are surrounded by people. However, after having worked with many people who have gone through difficulties in their marriage, I can tell you that this is how some people feel in marriages that have not been working out. You may be surrounded by your spouse and children but may feel like you are on a desert island. The emotion surrounding problems and communication with your Co-parent can be surprising to many people. However, you should not avoid or ignore these situations when they arise.

The feelings of a lack of intimacy between you and your co-parent could lead the two of you to feel like you are acting more as roommates than anything else. This is also an experience I’ve heard many people describe to me over the years. Feeling like you are just going through the motions of your marriage or that you and your spouse are just there to raise children and nothing else can be some of the challenges that come with deciding whether to counsel. However, you need to come to grips with the problems in your marriage and then determine whether do you believe that you and your spouse could commit to attending counseling consistently. it may be that you don’t think that you all have the attention span or even the emotional desire to attend counseling. However, if you can trust that your spouse will commit to attending counseling with you then it may be something worthwhile no matter what your actual circumstances are. Showing that you all are willing to put effort into attending counseling means that you will value your well-being as a couple.

The best time to attend counseling was yesterday. The second-best time to attend counseling is today. Identifying problems in your marriage can be difficult but if you take the time to think long and hard about what is going on in your relationship then you can identify issues sooner than you otherwise might be able to. Otherwise, you may find that even if you have the desire to attend counseling and it is too late to make a difference in your marriage. 

Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.