Once beginning a divorce case it is likely that you will have many questions that are still unanswered. The first time going through a divorce can be a jarring experience for anyone no matter how well prepared you to think you are. There are emotional, physical, and financial aspects to a case that will need to be dealt with both by you and your spouse. These challenges are not necessarily unique to you and your spouse but the circumstances that you face surely will be. Before we talk about how to engage with your spouse during a divorce, we should get into the backdrop of challenges that you will surely be facing, as well.
The emotional challenges associated with the divorce will matter even if you believe that you are fully prepared 2 proceed with the case. I have worked with many people who had thought that they were completely ready to move on with their divorce only to find that
once the case started their emotions push them in a different direction. it can be difficult to move on even from a bad marriage. when you find yourself in this sort of position it can feel like the best decision you can make is to stay put and not do anything.
Next, you have the physical challenges associated with a divorce. These physical challenges are typically associated with stress in the impact of stress on your body. stress isn’t just something that you feel for a short period. Stress is something that can have an impact on your physical condition on an ongoing basis. This is especially true when we consider that your preoccupation with the divorce may prevent you from doing simple things like exercising and eating right.
Finally, there are financial aspects associated with the divorce. We can start right at the top when we consider that your community property will be divided in some form during the divorce case. next, you will be responsible for various court costs and filing fees in addition to the possibility that you may choose to hire an attorney. On top of that, you may feel pressure on your job and may lose hours at work due to limitations brought about by the divorce case. These are all issues that you will need to consider as you begin to plan for the divorce case.
How are rules for divorce cases set?
One of the first questions that people who begin a divorce case ask is how they know what they can and cannot do during the case. If you think about divorce like a game, then you must assume that there are certain rules of engagement. These rules help you and your spouse to be able to accomplish what you need to in the divorce while being as civil as possible with one another. It is not easy to be nice to your spouse during your divorce. You all may have deep-seated the issues that led you to not only get divorced but to B unable to work with one another on the important issues of your case.
Since most divorce cases are settled outside of court It is important for You and your spouse to at least be able to talk through the major issues of your case. If your relationship has been harmed to the point where the two of you have trouble even coordinating the basic logistics of picking up or dropping off your children, then the need for both of you to be able to work through some ground rules for your case is very important. But we can discuss here in today’s blog post is where these rules come from.
The first place that rules of engagement of divorce come from would be how you and your spouse choose to treat one another period make no mistake: it is a choice how you all decide how you are going to treat one another. You may feel unbelievable pressure from other people or just from your circumstances to treat your spouse a certain way during the divorce. However, no matter how stressful your case or no matter what the circumstances you find yourself in may cause you to feel there is no excuse for being disrespectful, belligerent, or threatening towards your spouse. At the very least it is unbecoming next, it does not help you lay the groundwork for fruitful negotiations to help settle your divorce. Next, it possibly puts you in a position where you can be harmed by family court orders from a judge.
A family court judge will issue temporary orders for your divorce. These temporary orders will come from the court so that certain rules can be formalized and put into place. many of these orders do things like prevent you from wasting community assets during the divorce, prevent you from removing your child from the state of Texas, or prevent your spouse from being able to access their home or vehicle. these are the sort of basic rules that could be put into place in a divorce case.
Additionally, he’s like Montgomery County has standing orders that are put into place with every divorce case that is filed. these standing orders are pretty much the same as many of the temporary orders that we just finished discussing. However, some counties put these types of orders into place from the very beginning of a case. a copy of these standing orders will be sent to you and your Co-parent at the beginning of the divorce.
These are the sources for both temporary orders as set forth by the judge and how you and your spouse can approach the case when it comes to being able to work with one another, raise your children and negotiate a settlement to your divorce case. otherwise, we can get into some final thoughts on how to engage with your spouse during a divorce.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar
The fact of the matter is that every divorce cases make it to a courtroom. The assumption is that you will need to talk with a judge to take part in a divorce. That simply is not true. Most divorces are dealt with directly between spouses. You should prepare as if your case will need to go before a judge but should expect to settle beforehand. Settling a case does not mean “tossing the keys” to your lawyer and expecting him or her to do all the work for you. That not only is not what an attorney does in a divorce but would be doing you a serious disservice. Rather than hoping that your attorney and your spouse’s attorney can get your case to the finish line, it would make sense for the two of you to be able to work together to settle the case.
This begins with helping one another understand how you expect to be treated during a case. Having an open line of communication with your spouse is essential for a divorce. To get to that point you will need to be able to communicate to him or her what it means to go into the divorce and what you want to accomplish within the case. putting your children first, making sure that the property is cared for it and divided fairly, and so on.
if you and your spouse cannot communicate with each other in person then you may want to consider phone calls as your primary method of communication. Sometimes being in person with your spouse can be difficult for new to handle. In that case, it would be better for you to talk with him or her about your preferred method to resolve issues be it related to your case, your children, or even something like getting your house ready for a sale. These are topics that cannot necessarily wait and should be discussed at the very beginning of your case. It would be a mistake to wait months and months only to learn that your spouse would prefer to exchange emails or use a Co-parenting website like our family wizard rather than to communicate with you in person.
Next, it is wise to work with an experienced family law attorney if you do not have the skills or patience required to communicate effectively with your spouse. This is not to say that an attorney can or will perform all the necessary work of a divorce case for you. Rather, an attorney is there to talk with you and your family to help you develop goals for your case. This does not mean that the attorney will perform all the heavy lifting for you and certainly cannot make decisions for you within the case. Rather, it is your job to make sure that your attorney has the necessary information and tools that are needed to help guide you within the case. Otherwise, you will have spent time and money on hiring an attorney but will not be giving him the necessary assistance to help you fully represent yourself.
One of the benefits of having an attorney working with you on your case is that putting someone in between the two of you when it comes to communication can be a huge benefit. Consider that many times hearing a proposed settlement offer or a proposed solution to a problem facing our family can sound a lot different coming from a lawyer than coming from your spouse. The reason being is that there is oftentimes an emotional component to how you perceive your spouse speaking to you rather than someone who is a stranger. Once you can remove the emotional components to a suggestion you can consider the content and the quality of the information rather than simply jumping to a conclusion based on emotion.
It is also important for you to be able to establish some rules of engagement with your attorney when it comes to communicating with him or her. As someone who has worked with many people in divorce scenarios, I can tell you that it is normal to feel like your case is not progressing at the speed you would like it to or that your turn E may not be paying as much attention to you as you would like. For that reason, I would recommend working with your attorney, again early in your case, to establish your preferred ways to communicate with one another. Sometimes getting on your attorney’s schedule to be able to have a designated period during the week to communicate with him or her on the phone is the best way to go. Just make sure to be intentional about how you lay out your expectations. Have a plan and then stick to it. At those plans need to change over time that is OK but make sure to be willing to communicate with him or her if the needs of your family change over time.
Portent revisitation that many people come to during a divorce is that the goals that you tend to be scattered all over the place unless you are very specific in terms of your goal setting. Being intentional and goal-oriented when it comes to the subjects that we have been discussing today is very important. Do not underestimate how critical it is for the success of your case for you to be focused on accomplishing specific goals within the framework of your case. Consider that more people struggle with divorce when they cannot point towards a specific goal or theme for their case. If you are concerned about the direction that your case is going in you should speak with your attorney. Or, if you have no idea about goal setting or your options for a case and are not represented by a lawyer that may be a sign that hiring a lawyer is something in your best interests.
Either way, understanding what your own goals are is probably the best way for you to be able to help your spouse understand where you are coming from in a case. Being intentional about your divorce does not necessarily mean that you should map out every single possible detail of your case. Rather, what it does mean is that you should focus on overarching goals and then narrowly tailored goals that are focused on accomplishing specific goals over shorter periods. For example, if you have a goal of becoming the primary conservator of your child short term that probably means that you should focus your attention on making sure that you take advantage of all the time allotted to you during the temporary orders phase of your case when it comes to time with your children. Missing time with your kids during this phase is a good indicator of a person who does not take seriously the responsibility of parenting their children.
Next, we should communicate your goals to your attorney and help him or her to understand what they are. From an attorney’s perspective, one of the more frustrating aspects of a case would be representing a client for many months only to find that he or she has a goal for their case that you had never even heard of before. There is nothing wrong with changing your goals or your mindset for a case. However, being on the same page with your attorney when it comes to communication of these goals is essential. The last communication if you are with your attorney the less well your attorney can communicate your goals to your spouse and their lawyer. Like it or not, your ability to accomplish goals within your case likely has a lot to do with your spouse being able to accomplish goals of their own.
Despite what you may think after reading today’s blog post it is not difficult to establish firm but fair rules of engagement with your spouse during a divorce case. It is not as if both of you are going to be looking to physically or mentally harm either person during the divorce. Most people who go through a divorce do so only but grudgingly and want to do so most fairly and expediently possible. With that said, you and your attorney can focus on your goals, communicate them clearly to their side and then work with them as much as they are willing to work with you. The less confusion there is between parties and the more the two of you are willing to work together to communicate with one another the faster your divorce can be over and the higher the likelihood that both sides can accomplish something meaningful within the case.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as a way for you to learn more about how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.