Being treated fairly is an important part of life both during a family law case and after a case has come to an end. Likely, part of the reason why you are involved in the family law case in the first place is that you think that you were not being treated fairly by your spouse or partner. There was something about the relationship or the way that things were being handled with your children where you did not feel like you were getting a fair deal. At a certain point, even the most patient and tolerant of people reach a stage where they say enough is enough. If you were at that point, then today’s blog post is for you.

 If you ask some people, they have no concept of the term fairness. They will tell you that the fair is something that comes to the county once a year. Otherwise, fairness is something in the eye of the beholder and not something that is guaranteed. This is especially true, in their eyes when it comes to relationships. There is nothing that guarantees fair treatment when it comes to raising your kids or even being in a marriage. What’s fair is what you can fight for and what you can earn in a sense. This may go against a lot of your basic notions of equity and what’s right and wrong, but the reality is that many people feel this way. Your spouse may even be one of these people.

So, you need to ask yourself what you can do to make sure that you are treated fairly if that is something you think is important. Different people certainly have different goals for themselves in their relationships, marriages, and when it comes to raising their children. I would never assume that when I think is fair or what I think is important in any of these important areas are the same as what you think is fair or important. However, I can tell you what the lawyer believes is important and what the loss in Texas states as far as family law, fair treatment, and how to approach this subject as a person with a history of being mistreated by their spouse or partner.

If you don’t feel the need to protect your rights and to do what is fair for you then you should think of the best interests of your children. After all, this is the standard that a family court judge would use to make determinations on issues related to your kids. What is in their best interests? This considers factors present in their life now, in the future as well as their emotional and physical well-being. While no standard is perfect, and no family law judges perfect the court will do its best to make determinations on what is likely to end up being most advantageous for your child considering these factors and more. You do not want to put your child in a situation where his or her rights are being trampled upon by a parent who is unsympathetic or uncaring to anything but what they want to see happen.

Many times we rationalize things when we are being mistreated. A lot of us are non-confrontational and we simply don’t want to pursue anything if it could be seen as aggressive or threatening. The trouble with this mindset is that it invites aggressive people to act that way. Second, is our perception of fairness and what is aggressive identity accurate at all. As such, we want to make sure that what we do you want our daily lives and how we treat others is fair and appropriate. This is much different than the need to Continuously do what our spouse or partner wants simply to avoid a conflict.

From my experience, this discussion begins and ends with having actual knowledge of what is and what is not appropriate under the law. From there, you’re going to have a much better understanding of how you should be treated and how you can expect to treat others and to have them respond favorably. It is always tricky when it comes to working with people in difficult relationship circumstances. Certainly, going through a divorce or child custody case is one of those difficult relationship circumstances. You must learn how to tread lightly and balance your interests with the daughters of a Co-parent who has just as much of a right to having a relationship with your child as you do. However, as someone who tends to look the other way and be hurt rather than pursue their rights, it can be necessary for you to have a greater sense of self and a stronger backbone when it comes to figuring out how you deserve to be treated and what it means to protect your rights.

Two of the most important areas of your life when it comes to building a relationship with your children are the time you have with them and your ability to provide for them from a physical standpoint. If the past two years have taught us anything it’s that we cannot take anything as a given any longer. What we may have thought previously as something which is a guarantee or something we can certainly count on it’s probably no longer is the case. Rabbi, we can consider what our life looks like from the perspective of tabbing to pursue our rights rather than expect that they will be always honored by other people. Is simple truth is that sometimes we must be aggressive in defending ourselves and what is important to us.

 If your ability to provide for your children and to spend time with your children is important to you then this blog post is something that you will want to pay close attention to. When it comes to sharing parenting time with someone sometimes you need to approach your circumstances as a parent who understands what is at stake in their life. Once you begin to look the other way in matters related to your Co-parent and your child, he or she may begin to develop how a perspective that it is OK to mistreat you or otherwise take advantage of you in matters related to your children. Maybe he or she thinks that you will not act to protect yourself because you are weak or otherwise not committed to protecting yourself.

A comparison for you to consider 

one of the lessons that I hope you will take away from today’s blog post is that there is nothing wrong with pursuing your rights. This does not make you selfish, aggressive, or intolerant. Your rights are there for a reason. The primary reason for you as a parent to have rights is not to benefit yourself. Rather, the reason why you have rights as a parent is to benefit the life of your children primarily. Yes, you have the right as a parent to get some satisfaction and enjoyment out of being able to raise your children. However, it is primarily your children that are intending to benefit from the relationship that you have with them.

The comparison that I think is an interesting one to consider is to think about protecting and enforcing your rights as a parent when compared to building wealth. In my life, I have talked to some people who are nearly obsessed with growing wealth and making money. These are people that constantly think about work and are always in making a dollar mode if you know what I mean. These are the people that instinctively want to make money and understand the importance of doing so. 

On the other hand, I have also known people who are not only hesitant to build wealth or make money but believe that doing so is something that they do not want to pursue. These are the sort of folks who believe that the best things in life are free. In many ways, these people are correct. I have found in my life that the best things that I have experienced cost no money and are technically free. Think about interactions with your family and children as examples of things that cost no money but bring even most joy happiness. And that way, the people that have no interest in building wealth or accumulating money are correct.

However, one thing that I will note is that the people who believe that the best things in life are free may be missing the point a tad bit. Building wealth and building a life for yourself and your family does not necessarily mean that you have to use that wealth to only buy things. The purpose of building wealth is to give yourself options. When you have some money in the bank then you give yourself options. Sure, you can spend that money I’m whatever you would like but you can also save it, give it or do some combination of the two. If you have no use for money beyond taking care of the essentials and you may want to use your wealth or any extra money to donate to your church or a charity. My point is that when you take the time to consider the importance of wealth you have options that you give yourself. Those options can be used to benefit people other than you. 

I think the same can be said for your rights as a parent in Texas. By aggressively defending and pursuing your rights as a parent in Texas you are not only putting yourself in a position where you can take advantage of those rights, but you are also doing a lot to benefit your children. Ultimately, it is your kids that stand to benefit a great deal from your pursuit of those rights in your defense of them. While you may not be interested that much in aggressively doing so on your behalf it is very much worthwhile for you to consider what it means to pursue these rights on behalf of your children.

This is the lens through that I would invite you to look at these issues as we complete today’s blog post. Please do not think that I am writing this blog post only for you to be able to think about issues related to your parental rights through the prism of sticking it to your ex-spouse or doing what it takes to steal time from your Co-parent for yourself. That is not what I am talking about. However, I do think that there is a time and a place for I discussion like this. Being able to identify those times where you can and should defend your rights and pursue them to benefit your children is incredibly important. Like anything else, it takes time to be able to build this muscle and to be able to develop the confidence necessary to do so. However, I hope that in reading blog posts like this you can begin to develop a sense of self is necessary 2 develop strategies and learn how to protect yourself and enhance your relationship with your children in the meantime.

The relationship between visitation and child support

Today’s blog post title is all about is she related child support and visitation. In a typical Texas divorce or child custody case there are two components to this discussion. One parent is typically named as the parent with the ability to determine the primary residence of the kids. This parent will then have the right to receive child support payments from their Co-parent. On the other hand, the parent who is ordered to pay child support will have a right to have visitation time with the children based on either the agreement made and mediation or on the court orders rendered by a judge after a trial.

As you may imagine, issues in life may lead to you or your Co-parent being unable to always make child support payments on time. We have already discussed how the past couple of years has likely shown us that life sometimes throws us curveballs. In the case of this pandemic, we have seen that life can throw us curveball after curveball after curveball. My point is that you as a parent cannot always be sure of what is going to happen in life. We can prepare as best as possible for life’s twists and turns but sometimes there are unexpected events that arise that we cannot prepare for adequately. 

If you suddenly lost your job and had no money in the reserve to make your next child support payment, then you may be concerned with whether your ex-spouse could potentially withhold custody of your children until you become current on child support. The question you would need to ask yourself is whether payment of child support is your key to being able to visit with your children. Is staying current on your child support prerequisite for having your visitation rights honored? On the other hand, if you are the parent who receives child support and I’ve not received payment in a couple of months you may be wondering about whether or not it is appropriate for you to withhold time with your children from your ex-spouse until he or she can become current on child support.

The answer to either question is that child support hey mate not a prerequisite towards receiving custody or visitation of your children. Withholding visitation for the failure to pay child support is not appropriate and not allowed under Texas family law. By the same token, withholding child support if you have been denied visitation with your children is also not allowed. This can strike some as unfair but remember that we are talking about what is best for your children here and not what is necessarily best for you or your Co-parent.

 If you are having child support withheld from you for any reason, then denying your children time with their parents is not fair. By the same token, if you are having visitation time withheld from you then denying your children monetary support is also not appropriate. These simple realities can take some time to process and can strike you as being rather unfair, but the point is that withholding support or visitation to get back at your Co-parent is not appropriate. There are ways to address these issues, such as through an enforcement case, that is appropriate and honored under the law. Consider speaking with an experienced family law attorney before making decisions that can not only put you in a legally precarious position but also could hurt your children. 

Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of divorce for a child custody case.