A few weeks ago, in a consultation in our office, one of our attorneys was asked whether or not military service members get married faster in earlier than civilians. Truthfully, this is not a question that I had thought much about in my life. We are fortunate here at the Law Office of Bryan Fagan to have served military members many times both in the past and currently. It is an honor to help those who have served our country with great distinction. However, I had never really thought about whether or not military service members get married sooner than civilians.
When it comes to getting married, we’re talking about an important life decision. Not only does getting married mean changing the trajectory of your life, but it also means changing the trajectory of another person’s life. You and your spouse are becoming one person essentially and putting your single lives behind you to move together as a married couple. Different people reach the point where they are countable and ready to make this commitment at different ages. We need to ask ourselves whether or not military families reached this point earlier in time than civilian families.
For one, military members are typically extremely mature, goal-oriented, and mission-focused. While it may sound like these are more applicable in the military, and they are in the civilian world, I can tell you that the truth is that marriage isn’t all that dissimilar from serving their country in the military, at least in some ways. Before reading today’s blog post, let’s walk through how serving in the military and serving your spouse in a marriage may not be as dissimilar as you may have thought.
Maturity is certainly a quality that military members must display while serving our country. When we talk about marriage, so much of the nature of the relationship is setting aside your own in favor of what your family needs. Having worked with many people who have gone through a divorce, unfortunately, this is not a quality everyone shares with our military service members. Many of us have problems with setting aside our differences, overlooking minor issues in our marriages, and moving on in an attempt to better our relationship. I don’t know what does if this doesn’t sound like something important in a wedding and a military service member.
Next, being goal-oriented in a marriage is a critical period. Unfortunately, I think this is a quality that many people overlook when it comes to marriage. I can tell you that from my own experience in marriage, it is straightforward to fall into a routine to forget about being focused on how to better your spouse and yourself. We can see this from spouses who work together to improve the quality of their marriage, their family lights, and their children. Goals do not have to be financial, spiritual more related to your family. However, depending upon your circumstances and beliefs, these are all worthwhile for you to undertake.
The nice thing about goals is that having a dream means shifting your focus once you have achieved something meaningful. For example, working with your spouse to eliminate debt allows you all to focus your energies together on a single topic that can significantly positively impact your family. We know from experience that the best way to build wealth is to utilize your Income. If you can work with your family in spouse to focus on goals like this, then I believe that not only will your marriage improve, but your chances of a divorce will decrease dramatically.
Finally, Bing mission-focused is not dissimilar from being goal-oriented. However, I think of being mission-focused: having a mindset geared towards accomplishing whatever overall mission you and your spouse have together. It is easy to lose focus on what your family’s mission is. Is your assignment to be high-income earners? Is your Income focused on the kids? Is your mission to focus on your extended family and their health? These are all great missions to have and can change over time. However, identifying a task for your family and then working to accomplish those missions is the difference between a pretty rudderless family and one that can stick together through tough times.
What happens if you need to get divorced? Do you need to file first?
One of the first questions that many people have when considering a divorce is whether or not they need to file first to gain any competitive advantage over their spouse. The reality is that filing for divorce first before your spouse does not provide you with a significant advantage procedurally in Texas. Your divorce will consist of negotiations and perhaps a judge making decisions over issues like child support, child custody, division of property, and spousal maintenance. These subjects are not impacted by filing for divorce before your spouse. There is nothing in the law that favors a person who files first for divorce.
Without being said, there are advantages in other regards in terms of filing first for divorce. While these advantages are not specifically legal and cannot be found in the Texas family code, the benefits that you can derive from filing first can be significant in other ways. The first advantage that I can think of is that you can plan and prepare any documents you will need to file in advance. This all begins with being able to interview multiple family law attorneys before deciding to hire one. Once you meet with various attorneys and figure out who you want to hire, you will be able to begin to prepare the documents you need to file for divorce. This means that you can file your original divorce petition, motion for temporary orders hearing, requests for discovery, and any other document or pleading that your attorney deems necessary. All the while, you do not have to be concerned with your spouse filing similar papers and having to respond to them.
The next consideration that you need to take in terms of advantages to filing for divorce first is that you can get the documents filed that you need sooner rather than later. Well, we no longer have to go down to the courthouse to file documents anymore; what we do need to do is point them online. This can still be a somewhat tedious task, especially if mistakes are made in filing the documents or the documents themselves. You may have to re-file documents or make corrections here and there depending on the requirement to the court or in that specific pleading. Doing so can take time, and it is better to make mistakes like this before your spouse has filed any paperwork. You have a little bit more wiggle room for errors when you file the first period
The other consideration that I think is very important is that taking the first step towards a divorce means filing for divorce. This may sound simple, but in many ways, it is not. I say this because it can be challenging to take that step that finally moves you towards the divorce from an emotional and relational standpoint. People in your position often rationalize or try to talk about the need to get a divorce. With that being said, we see that it is not always as easy as simply getting the paperwork filed to get the divorce. Instead, you need to come to terms with what getting a divorce means for your family, as well as the steps that need to be taken to get the divorce.
I like to mention to the people that a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. In the same way, each divorce starts with a single act of actually filing a divorce petition. When we talk about getting a divorce, we rarely talk about the emotional energy it takes to muster the courage you need to get divorced. With that being said, it does take some degree of effort and planning to file the paperwork. Our tendency may be to delay or not even move forward with the divorce unless we are forced into doing so. Your divorce may end up taking longer and costing more money if you choose to delay the filing of the case. Relying upon your spouse to file for divorce may put you in a position where you have been waiting for many, many years.
Another advantage to filing first exists in a situation where you and your spouse live in different states. Whether it is because of military service, job relocation, or another reason, you and your spouse can still be married and live in various forms. When this happens, you must be aware that your spouse can be a resident of another state need to file for divorce in that state. Traveling across the country for a divorce that you could get in Texas does not make a heck of a lot of sense. In this way, it may be better for you to file first in Texas if your spouse attempts to file for divorce in another state. A judge in another state may tell you that while their court does have jurisdiction, your spouse is a resident because you filed first in Texas that they would defer to the Texas court. This can save you time and money.
Can you file for divorce without telling your spouse?
If you are serving in the military, then your concern may be that your spouse files for divorce against you in Texas without your knowledge. This can be a nerve-wracking experience to be sure when you consider serving your country by performing your military duties, and your spouse may try to get divorced from you without your knowledge. Not only is this a legitimate concern your spouse may have talked about doing it. What can you do when it comes to these concerns?
Texas requires that your spouse proves to the court that you have been provided with notice of the divorce having been filed. Information is typically provided to a spouse in a divorce scenario either by a process server or constable providing the paperwork. The process server will return a citation to the court let state the date, time, and location of your spouse being served with paperwork, and that will be filed along with the other documents of your case. once this citation has been returned, your divorce can begin in earnest. Suppose you are not able to locate your spouse or otherwise have them served. In that case, it is possible to help using alternative methods such as posting the divorce paperwork to the front door of their most recent address or having notice for the divorce published in a newspaper or magazine which circulates in the area where your spouse lives. These should not be treated as primary methods of service, however. It is best to serve your spouse with paperwork directly and to provide notice in this manner.
What happens if you and your spouse cannot agree on is she need to be dealt with immediately?
Some issues in a divorce can be dealt with later on in your case. Dividing up Community property, deciding what to do with the house, and coming up with the holiday visitation schedule are probably among those issues that can be solved later in the case. However, some problems need to be determined sooner rather than later. Things like: who’s going to pay the bills during the divorce? Which one of you is going to be able to live with the children primarily? How are you going to pay for the divorce? What if you need some income during the divorce to let you get back on your feet until you can find a job? These are legitimate concerns that you may have in your military divorce. Here is what we know About how issues involved in a divorce can be solved sooner rather than later.
Typically, these types of issues are sorted out in a temporary order hearing. A temporary orders hearing allows you and your spouses to submit evidence regarding the issues that are deemed provisional for your case. Be aware that although this is a quick order hearing and audit trial, the case text on a trial-like feel in terms of there being evidence submitted inside of a courtroom in front of a judge. This means that you need to be prepared for your case and be ready to go into a courtroom proceeding that can be highly determinate if the rest of your case. This means that although the temporary orders are not permanent, they do go a long way towards determining the outcome of a claim for divorce proceedings.
One of the main issues that people frequently have questions about in the lead up to a divorce and even during the initial stages of a divorce is how they will afford to pay their bills during this time. For many people, it has been a one way St in terms of Income, meaning that you may have been would light up on your spouse for income well you stayed at home to raise the kids and take care of the home. this puts you in a unique position where you may need some time to complete your education, earn a certification, or apply for work. Whatever your particular situation is exceptional support to bridge the gap for you and your family until you can make an income independently.
This is all to say that you need to be prepared for your temporary orders hearing by working with an experienced family law journey to get you to that point. It is not easy to walk through every issue of your case without someone who has been there before helping you. The reason, I recommend meeting with multiple family law attorneys to gain some perspective into your circumstances.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Don’t hesitate to get in touch with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
if you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blogpost; please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are an excellent way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law and how your family circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case. Thank you so much for being so interested in our law office, and we hope that you will join us again on our blog tomorrow.