The period during and immediately following a child custody or divorce case can be a trying time for any family. For one, it is a time of transition. Whereas you in your children may have been used to having all family members living in the same house the family law case may have caused one or all parties to move from the family home. Having to adjust to living in a household separate from one of their parents is a huge transition for your children whether or not you will readily admit to it. There is just something about not being able to see your child whenever you would like that can be extremely disheartening and difficult for families.
Next, your family will lose a degree of autonomy for a temporary period due to the filing of this case. Whereas previously you were able to make decisions for your family and do things on your own would that happen to consult with anyone else the truth of the matter is that now that your family law cases, when filed at a family court judge, will be able to weigh into your lives in influence what happens to your family moving forward this can be a difficult realization for some families who are used to being able to do what they want when they want and how they want it?
Next, you have to consider the financial difficulties that often come about as a result of a family law case. I am not here to tell you that a family law case is going to bankrupt your family or put you in a financial hole that you will never be able to dig yourself out of. However, the reality of the situation is that family law cases do cost money even if you don’t hire an attorney. The money associated with a family law case could ordinarily be fit on other things for your family such as food clothing or even college tuition. An item in your budget will have to go into effect for the duration of your case in the period following for lawyers’ costs, court costs, and any other miscellaneous costs like childcare.
Another consideration that you need to make as you begin your family law case would be regarding the time commitment necessary to follow through with the family law case. undoubtedly, the financial concerns of a family law case may be paramount in your situation. However, something you have to consider at the same time is that you can always make more money. There are always ways to make money and in the worst case to borrow money to pay for the costs of a divorce or child custody case.
On the other hand, time is a resource that you cannot get back. With that said, you should consider how important it is to hire a divorce attorney to represents you in your family law case. The fact of the matter is that most people see hiring an attorney as something that will cost them money it is undoubtedly true that most family law attorneys you hire will charge you for their time and experience in representing you. However, I am recommending that you look at the hiring of a family law attorney as something that can save you money both in actual dollars and in time.
First off, you need to consider how important it is to get your divorce or child custody case right the first time rather than to have to go back and retrace your steps to correct mistakes. Many of the people that hire our law office to represent them in a divorce or child custody case began their case representing themselves. While it is certainly possible to represent yourself in a child custody or divorce case I would ask you whether or not it is worth the effort. Do you work in your car? Do you fill your cavities? These are relevant questions to ask in a space where you probably do not have expertise.
Having to go back and correct mistakes takes time and money. Additionally, if you are involved in a divorce or child custody matter there are certainly elements of the case that correspond to money. The money you spend to file a divorce and proceed with the case could be dwarfed by the amount of money you are costing yourself when it comes to spousal maintenance, child support, and other financial matters. A divorce is a business transaction disguised as a family matter. Do not lose sight of this.
Another consideration for you to make is that it is a huge time commitment to move forward with the family log case. There are so many components to a typical family law matter that all the Internet research and library time in the world could not substitute for the experience and know-how of a family law practitioner. Even if you were able to learn the Texas family code, the rules of Civil Procedure, and any other rule that corresponds to a family law case you would never be able to develop the experience in the know-how of an attorney who has been there and done that in the world of family law.
All the while, your life will be going on regardless of the outcome of your family law case. Consider how your work, your children, your hobbies, and your health may be impacted by your choice to proceed in a Texas hog case without an attorney. Can you honestly tell yourself that you have the time to commit to a family law case in addition to all of your other responsibilities and activities? That is the true question that you need to ask yourself. It’s not a matter of whether or not you are intelligent or committed to doing a good job in your case. The real question is whether or not you have the time to do so. The second question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you’re willing to let other areas of your life slide to devote more time to your family law case.
How to approach your child custody or divorce case when your kids aren’t happy
Apparent like yourself who is going through a difficult child custody or divorce case how’s the decision to make. As a parent myself I can completely see how you would be motivated to do something to make your kids happy amid the immediate aftermath of a family law case. He may feel guilty that you have brought this kind of stuff into the life of your child and are motivated to want to do things that will make your children happy. This will be a normal reaction but is one that I’ve seen backfire on many parents.
Trying to parent from the perspective of making your children happy is oftentimes very difficult. For one, very important the needs and wants of your children change over time. What your child needs and wants at age 5 will most likely be very different than what their needs or ones are at age 10. As a result, children are not typically able to understand what is in their best interests especially during a time of transition in their life like a family law matter. Rather, children are trusted by adults like yourself to make decisions that are in their best interest.
The result of a family law case is rarely something entirely palatable for a child. While there may be elements of a parenting plan or visitation schedule that appeals to a child your child will most likely 1/2 stick to what he or she knows and continue to do what they have always done as far as being able to see both you and your other parent whenever they would like. However, the reality of a family law case is that this isn’t possible. Not only will you be making transitions in your life but your children will as well as far as their expectations and ability to build a relationship with both parents.
Almost inevitably, you will run into a circumstance where your child is not happy with either you or your other parent. This may be the result of something organic in the maturing process such as occurs in the teenage years period or, something more nefarious may be a footwear parental alienation from a Co-parent has driven a wedge between you and your child. It is up to you as a parent to do whatever kind of investigative work you can to determine the source of this conflict and to root it out as much as possible as quickly as possible. the future of your relationship with your child may depend on it.
Otherwise, you should consider what decisions you made in your family law case and how they will impact your child in the future. The entire point to any issue regarding your child in a child custody or divorce case is to make decisions that will reflect the best interests of your child. Sometimes your child’s best interests in your desires line up nicely. In other cases, what is in your child’s best interests may not be exactly what you want to see happen. It is a loving and forward-thinking parent that can distinguish between the two and make decisions and negotiate in a way that will benefit the child primarily.
So, as you sit at the tail end of a divorce child custody case what can you do when your child expresses apprehension, frustration, or any other negative emotion towards a Visitation schedule? Should you always give in to what the kids want? Should you ignore the kids completely and disregard their feelings on the subject? Is there a middle ground to be found in this area? Read the rest of today’s blog post to find out more.
Doing what the kids want may find you in hot water with your family court judge
What your kids want may be in direct violation of your family court orders. For example, let’s suppose that your children live with you during the week of the school year. The weekend is fast approaching and your children have told you that they do not want to see your ex-spouse for a weekend Visitation. You responded that the court orders mandate that the kids go over to your ex-spouse’s house from Friday evening to Sunday evening. However, the kids don’t seem to care what a family court judge told you last year about your life. Your call is very important to us and will be as a result, they’re perfectly willing to disregard the court order at fidelity.com if it means being able to do what they want at the moment.
You have a decision to make. You can choose to listen to the wants of your child and not make him or her available to see your ex-spouse at the preset time and location for Picking him up. This would do a couple of things. The first is that it would upset your ex-spouse. He has gone out of his way to pick your child up from your home after working on Friday. He has looked forward to Visitation with your child all week and will be upset when Visitation is denied him.
The next thing that listening to your child will do in this regard is that it will put you in direct violation of your final decree of divorce when it comes to making your child available for Visitation over a set period. When you purposely do not follow a court order then you are in technical violation. As long as the court determines the provision on Visitation to be clear and understandable then you risk suffering the consequences in a potential enforcement case that can be filed against you by your ex-spouse. Violations of a court order can result in fines, attorney fees as well as jail time in extreme cases.
Finally, I would mention to you that listening to your child as far as their immediate wants and needs are concerned when it comes to Visitation may not even cause your child to be happy. I think it’s safe to say that you as a parent have encountered times where you thought you were doing something that would make your child happy but it turns out your child thank you for calling Fidelity Investments was no happier after you did something than they were before.
Fidelity.com I think this goes back to what I was mentioning earlier: your child doesn’t know what makes him or her happy but it’s more or less just making decisions based on their emotions. We as adults know from experience that making decisions based purely on emotion can oftentimes lead you into trouble. Rather, making decisions based on reason, experience and emotion typically lead to better outcomes. Listening to your child and being swayed by your own emotions over the complete picture of your life is a recipe for trouble.
I recommend speaking to your child directly, at an age-appropriate level, about their concerns over Visitation issues. I do not doubt that many children have legitimate concerns over Visitation problems that arise immediately after a family law case. In the vast majority of family law cases, children are not directly consulted by a court before determining those orders. As a result, your child may feel left out and disregarded especially if he or she is an older child. Being made to feel like they are part of a procss there’s something many older children crave.
However, you have to balance these concerns against the reality that your child is a child and that you are an adult. Allowing your child to dictate to you the terms of your life is not a great precedent to set in my opinion. Additionally, consider the time, money, and energy spent in getting through your family law case. Did you go through all that trouble just to have your child changed the outcome after the case is already done? Thank you for calling in a way, it would have been simpler for you to simply have your child represents you in the divorce than to have hired an attorney in the 1st place.
If there are legitimate concerns over some aspect of your visitation schedule then you should consider speaking to an experienced family law attorney about modifying your prior order. Depending on the length of time in between speaking to the attorney and the rendition of the order you may be in a position where you could realistically file a modification case and then work to negotiate a modification that suits your family better directly with your Co-parent. Before doing so, however, it is certainly advisable to work with an experienced family law attorney to help guide you through this process in your post-divorce or post-child custody life.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
If you have any questions about the material contained in today’s blog post please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultation six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about how your family’s circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.